Being single sucks for some people in normal circumstances but with our recent new world of physical distancing it can be even harder. What is there to do when you are stuck home alone all the time and are used to going out to meet with friends and do social things.
Immerse yourself in books
One of the best ways to escape reality is reading. I personally love suspense thrillers. I enjoy a good mystery and trying to figure out what’s happening in the story. I enjoy a lot of twists and turns and it really helps me escape the day to day. The latest book I read was “Woman on the Edge.” It was a mess of twists and turns and I read it in 24 hours.
Take online courses
I love to learn and usually by the end of the day I can’t imagine doing anymore reading or thinking. Now that I’m stuck at home all the time I’m really starting to think about how I can become more of an asset in my job or even how can I create a side hustle and make some more money. Even in the midst of an economic shut down I’m for sure looking into more certifications, or ways to enhance the job I am already in. I’m home and have no choice but to focus my attention on something else so I might as well enhance my skills. I’m also learning web design so fiddle away at learning more and more about that new skill. I’m looking forward to making a site for my 8 year old where she can post her drawings and different things she’s doing everyday. It will be kind of an online journal.
There are tons of work out classes coming online. I know of a couple gyms in my area that are doing online work outs for their members. I have the Body Boss program and have started it but haven’t done a good job of getting into a routine with it. Instead of sitting around all day lamenting that I feel like crap I’m going to try harder to get into this routine. Body Boss is an at home work out program designed specifically for the womans physique. I actually started it before and had gotten into it and was seeing results really quickly but then I got sick and stopped. UGH!!! Now I’m really going to try and commit. Maybe we could start a group and do some competitions!
Connect with friends
There are so many video calling platforms. Its easy to get together with friends online. I’m in a 40+ singles group on Facebook and plan to do a group Zoom call one night so everyone can see each other face to face in a fun way and maybe start building some connections. Online dating is taking on a whole new life with not being able to meet in person so I guess we have to commit to getting to know each other in new ways. I think the ability to talk for longer to really ask questions and converse could be advantageous. Look for online Meetups too they are really booming with this right now.
What about making more phone calls so you can physically talk to people. I think people text far too much and this takes away from real life connections. Take the time to pick up the phone and call someone. Get some of your chores done while you chat and you’ll be amazed by how quickly time flies:)
Get into a series on Netflix or Crave
I know this one is a bit obvious but I can’t reiterate enough how important it is to try to distract yourself from your loneliness. Loneliness can lead to poor decisions. It’s lonely right now and I don’t know how long you’ve been single for but I don’t think it will be forever! Snuggle up with your favorite snack and lose yourself in a show. I loved Ozark and just finished watching season three. Sometimes I even took a hot bubble bath and set up my iPad so I could relax in there and watch.
Take care of your mental health
If you are feeling blue and reaching out to friends and family isn’t overly effective – look for online sessions with a counselor or look into your local help hotline where they can direct you to someone. Loneliness and being out of your normal day to day can really take a toll. Make sure you address things early as you are not alone, a lot of people are certainly going through what you are.
If you are going through a break up during physical distancing
Breaking up is so very hard. The last thing a person needs is to not have the closeness of the important people in their life when they are mending a broken heart. Don’t take this time to obsess over your ex on social media. Now with more time to be online, it’s better to delete them from all your platforms if you know for sure that it’s over so you don’t end up wallowing over what could have been.
Take extra time to read positive quotes, think about the things you did right in the relationship and perhaps even the way you have grown. Think of doing things for yourself that make you smile. Go online and buy yourself a little feel good gift. It’s hard to lose someone you care about but focusing on yourself and connecting with some great and supportive people in your life online or over the phone can help you get through it.
If you were dating a narcissist
If you were dating a narcissist its going to be even harder to shake your feelings because you’ve likely spent a lot of time hearing loads of compliments while they love bombed you and also I bet you’ve had a dramatic relationship filled with ups and downs. If you’ve broken up with them in the past, you likely got back together with them after a time which helped those feel good hormones to start firing again, keeping you in this addictive cycle. Losing this type of relationship actually does make you feel the same way some feel when going through withdrawal. Even if it was contentious there was still good times that fed you in a certain way and now that you know you aren’t going to have that anymore, you are uncertain where you’ll get this “high” from. It can make things feel that much darker.
The key here is to look at the relationship and realize that while there were likely some great things, there were some toxic things as well. You may have made some mistakes (that they likely used as leverage to leave the relationship without any blame on themselves) but the truth is there is a lot of good things about you too. Narcissists make everything about themselves. If they did nice things for you focus on what they did and said afterwards. They likely gave themselves accolades or reminded you over and over about their good deeds so you would give them accolades. It’s time to put the focus back on you. You can do nice things for yourself or accept kindness from supportive people in your life. Take note of how it feels to have that without someone taking it from you by making it about them. Remember your worth. You are worth someone being there for you in a genuine way. If it also makes you feel good find one nice gesture you can do for someone else each day. Having people receive your kindness in a genuine way can help too. Have coffee sent to a friends house, or send them a nice note online. It only takes a moment to realize what being authentic and caring does for the world around you. Don’t let your ex narc cloud that.
It didn’t work with this person but it will work with someone else. Don’t let their gaslighting and manipulation overshadow your logic. Once you’ve been away from them without contact for a while the ache will subside and the sun will shine again. Physical distancing is the perfect time to not back slide.
I hope I’ve given you some great ideas to get through this trying time. Most of all it’s a great time to self reflect, think about yourself and your life and how you can tweak certain areas. Personal growth is something that can and should be happening all the time. Try to focus on one area of your life and make some improvements. You are amazing, don’t forget that. You’re worth the time and energy!!!
What are you finding to do during physical distancing as a single person. I would love to hear your stories below.